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A Dead Guy Loves Women Over Forty – Yay!

January 23, 2014

Yep, it’s come to this.  I am going to fisk a dead guy, and it won’t be flattering to anyone, including me.

andy rooneyHis eyebrows.  That is the face of authority – I have a little problem with “Authority”…

I found this on facebook, which is the new root of all evil so here’s the link and here is the text of Rooney’s remarks, in italics:

As I grow in age, I value women who are over forty most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over forty will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think.

Yeah, I will never, ever wake you up at night because: I am fucking tired, and you will never, ever be in my bed in the house that my bank owns spending the night.  I do actually care what you are thinking, and I am reasonably sure the question is, “Can we screw now?”  Refer back to I AM TIRED and add a heaping helping of “What are you bringing to the table other than your generous offer of letting me catch your mess so you don’t have to bother reaching for a tissue before you roll over and go to sleep?” Yeah, it’s super flattering to both sexes, isn’t it?  Men don’t matter enough for the woman to wonder what he’s thinking.  Women over 40 are magnificent because you can get some sleep… yeah, we are all to tired to really give a shit.

If a woman over forty doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it’s usually something more interesting.

If it’s a really good game with teams I am interested in, sure I will watch the game.  If your world revolves around some fake tribalism generated by mainstream media and your utter inability to contribute to the world as a whole or have your own interests outside of being able to claim, “WE won!”  Then, yeah, I will find something else to do.  Something more interesting like folding laundry or acting as referee while my teenagers battle over time in front of a mirror because taking out the trash, figuring out why there is spaghetti sauce on the ceiling in the kitchen or eating a bar of bathsoap is more appealing than sitting through a game on TV that will result in your fat ass claiming a personal victory or defeat over the win-or-loss of some overpaid professional athletes.  YOU AREN’T ON THE TEAM – I am not obligated to give a shit about it.

A woman over forty knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of forty give a hoot what you might think about her or what she’s doing.

A man who wants to date a woman over age 40 knows who he is, what he wants (and it’s not a financially messy LTR) and it damn sure isn’t some constantly complaining shrew or gold-digger,  and he’s cool with that.  He’s probably either saddled with debt from a nasty divorce, is totally incapable of meeting needs other than his own, or is seeking to replace his status as “father” to children because his own were stolen from him by divorce-theft.  the man dating a woman over 40 is just as screwed up as the woman.  Stalemate.  No one gives a shit.  It is only the biological accident of humans who seek closeness and physical affection that compel people to date at this age. We are programmed to be social creatures, and our biology makes us seek some other person to be the emotional or physical glue that allows us to keep our shit together.

Women over forty are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Pfft. If you are a janitor or a high-powered executivce, by 40 (or by the time you realize that your options have been reduced to dating 40+ year olds) you have a station in the community and a reputation to uphold.  Neither men, nor women “of a certain age” want public drama.  If you are cool with creating or tolerating inappropriate public displays of either discord OR AFFECTION, you have a problem, not your dating partner.  Get help.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

Anyone at all over age 40 that has lived through a failed relationship understands that a little appreciation goes a long, long, way.  This is not the exclusive domain of old, post-wall ladies.  Men have a wall, too.  Sooner or later, we all wonder if we need to have a cat as a pet just so someone appreciates us.

A woman over forty has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women. Women over forty couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won’t betray her.

Seriously, did Andy (God rest his soul) even need to say this??? In their 20’s, and maybe 30’s, um yeah, carousel riders wanting to settle down are very territorial.  Duh.  By age 40 when that boat has sailed…. ‘go do your thing’ is a given.  A woman over 40 either has her shit together or doesn’t.  Which one does a guy want in his life?  The 40-something who still thinks she can command the actions of a man just like she did in her 20’s or a woman who knows her interest in a man isn’t a currency that compels the guy to pay her way through the rest of her life?

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over forty. They always know.

Been there, done that, and already sent the commemorative t-shirt to the thrift shop, and So Has a Guy Who Wants to Date a woman over 40. Personally, I don’t leave my house except for work, or maybe if it is on fire, but I have been out of the house enough to know when a person is full of shit. (Or, maybe not, if you have followed the blog from the start.) My point is that now. even at a hint of BS, I am done, it’s over, I can’t hang, I don’t care, and why haven’t you deleted my number from your phone?  I Won’t Answer unless you have been set on fire by terrorists who are forcing you do drink fluoride-tainted water and take vaccines at gunpoint – and even then, all I will do it post it on facebook and only then if you sent a video.

A woman over forty looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over forty is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

old lady red lipstick

Breakfast a Tiffany’s looks much better at age 70, amiright????

meter pin

Yeah, it’s the lipstick that make me look like Audrey.

bettie page red lips

Her lipstick makes up for being Batshitcrazy????

Maybe you prefer this:

marilyn lipstick

Oh baby, I am screwing JFK, look at my lipstick… those shiny red lips… just about to show you why I died of a drug overdose….

dead ached marilyn

Red lipstick makes all the difference to the old gals!

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one! You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Old women, oops, “older women” are forthright and honest.  Yes.  I don’t have time to be otherwise.  The men who want to date me don’t have the patience, time, or money to do anything else.   Because, DUH.  Someone needs to escort us to our medical appointments.

Yes, we praise women over forty for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of forty-plus, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some twenty-two-year-old waitress.

And Mr. Rooney nails it here.  “Reciprocal” is in the eye of the beholder.  For every decent looking, weight-proportionate woman in her 40’s, there is a balding fat Walmart-dweller in sweatpants missing a few teeth living on unemployment who bitches because women don’t want him.  Give me a break.

No one, I repeat, NO ONE is immune to the sadness of being alone.  None of us wants to lower our standards and we all see a skewed image when we look in the mirror.  It looks like this:

beautyshop pin2Oh, whoa is me… whatever shall I do, whereever shall I go? Yes, that is really me.  Not the mannequin, the one on the right.

And it looks like this:

she doesnt deserve me“We won the game” why doesn’t she love me?????

Ladies, I apologize.

Why is it so hard to see the unrealistic expectations on either side?  The Red Pill crowd will say I am bitter because I “hit the wall”…. yeah, you are about 8 years too late.  My personal wall happened years ago.  My dating pool is divided between 70 year old men who need rides to their next colonoscopy and 30 year old guys who want a “woman who knows what she wants”  because they are sick of silly girls that can’t set priorities.   So I go out less in public less than the Ark of the Covenant.  AND I am good with that.

For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free,” here’s an update for you. Now 80 percent of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.

My personal update and final word here is that I am not a cow, sausage is readily obtainable as either breakfast, dinner, or lunch.  Milk isn’t free, and I buy it myself.  I call it, electricity, water, gas, phone and food.  So men willing to date a woman over 40 should know that you don’t have to purchase a cow that pays her own way. Cows don’t eat sausage without a very good reason. Just a little fact for those who don’t respect the words of Mr. Rooney, who got his metaphors a little twisted… but I appreciate the sentiment behind his thoughts even though I just poked fun at them.

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One Comment
  1. This made the rounds this past weekend. Text isn’t capable of conveying the cringing horror. Yes, age is less of an issue than many make of it – and wits farther back than Franklin have said as much. But it takes a singular talent to patronize and insult both sexes at once, and with such wobbly, earnest logic. This guy makes me embarrassed to be male.

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