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Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls and What They Really Need to Know

December 28, 2013

Nothing like ending 2013 by making hordes of hungry, hungry hippos angry, but, eh, I have never cared about that…so, here we go, fisking for exercise and entertainment:

not a fb status

Jes Baker wrote this roll-promoting, fat acceptance piece for the HuffPo, so let the games begin – hey, she started it, by baking, tasty, delicious pastries then writing this article to make her victims feel entitled:

fat acceptance huffpoBecause, dammit, this chick is the epitome of attractive!

Everyone has rolls when they bend over. Everyone.

Yep.  True Story.  It’s called ‘skin’ and – hold onto your belly buttons – it creates rolls when you bend over.  I know, right???!!! Do we really need to let the hungry, hungry hippos in on this carefully guarded secret?  What our chubby friends should really know is that – horror of horrors – those same rolls aren’t visible in a height-to-weight proportionate person who is standing upright.  Minus the little space under your boobs or buns – you shouldn’t have folds in your skin that have been permanently relegated to utter darkness.

rolls standing

When people say “you’re gorgeous,” believe them.

Yes.  Agree – or  don’t.  Sometimes, in fact, much of the time, people can be real assholes but thankfully, there are also plenty of sweet, sincere, well-intention-ed people out there to balance it all out.  Learn to discern a real compliment from a fake one. If you think that skinny girls don’t have the same “problems” you need to look at yourself before questioning the motives of the person paying you a compliment.  I have had plenty of fake-snide-bitchy compliments paid to me, and I know the difference.  Your fat isn’t a super-sized layer of special and questioning or disbelieving a compliment is some weird suspension of logic unrelated to your size.  Fat girls aren’t the only targets of hateful cunts, so get some exercise cutting down the trees to build yourself a bridge to cross your river of delicious, salty tears, and then get the fuck over it. Bottom line: It is none of your business what other people think of you.  The sooner you take this to heart, the better off you will be.  If you still find yourself questioning every compliment, that is your problem and no one else’s.

rockabilly guy girlSeriously?! Is this you?


Arm flab is embarrassing.

Well, DUH.  BUT – there is a big, huge difference between “arm flab” and whatever the hell it is called when the top of your arm hides your elbow from view.  If you don’t know the difference, your issues are bigger than the big rolls of disgusting fat you are trying so hard to accept.  Look, it’s your body and if you don’t like it, you have the power to change it and all the excuses in the world won’t hide your own self-pity and laziness.

fat arm flab

Your idea of “arm flab”

real arm flab

Isn’t mine.

You’re not stunning despite your body. You’re stunning because of your body.

…”We are all much much more than our bodies, but our bodies are a beautiful part of us too. Beauty comes from the inside AND the outside…”

“Stunning” is a strong word that is rarely used.  If you think that average human beings see this:

Honey Boo Boo

and think, “my God, those people are stunning on the inside“, you have a disorder that all the king’s horses, all the kings’s men, and their multiple teams of draft horses can cure after dragging your fat ass to multiple psychiatrists for treatment – and no amount of dieting or weight loss will fix it either.  YOU are focused on your weight – no one else gives a shit.  Once again, you have a problem with yourself.  The rest of the world is too busy with their own problems to care.  If you think otherwise you are a narcissist, a big, fat, stupid narcissist.  Furthermore, if you think that skinny women don’t have the exact same problems with being judged, see the previous sentence.

A guy can pick you up off your feet, and it won’t break his back.

Just who-the-fuck is being constantly swept off their feet and what do you think you are missing out on?

swept off feetDo you seriously think this is the daily life of a skinny girl???

let me pick you up

It’s not gonna give you a spinal injury – YOLO!!!

You don’t need to exercise every day in order to feel better about yourself.

Probably not.  Stop and consider what a stupendously unrealistic goal that is anyway.  You DO need to exercise some self control, even if you can only manage to keep yourself from thinking that the world stares at you 24/7 and constantly judges you.  If you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, then exercise.  Eat properly.  You can’t outrun a fork, and you can’t outrun your insecurity, but why do you think that the world revolves around YOU, YOU, YOU? That’s a proper insult to the rest of humanity to think that YOU and your weight are our focus.  While we’re at it, except for some other, self-absorbed, deeply-flawed people like anorexics, bulemics and my ex-boyfriend – NO ONE ELSE thinks about themselves that much; something is wrong with you aside from your weight. Being kind, caring, generous, sincere and deeply lovely are qualities that make for long-term attractiveness, but no on sees that from 30 feet away.

lovelyThis is lovely, even if she’s a total skank-bitch.

fat thong topless

Look at the personality on this one!

You’re allowed to fall in love with yourself. I promise.

Yes, by all means please become a raging, self-absorbed shrew who spews hate towards any human, animal, vegetable, mineral or inter-dimensional being that doesn’t worship at the altar of your copious greatness, because that’s what really attracts positive attention.  Yeesh.  “It is liberating in every sense of the word.”  Yes, yes, I suppose it is “liberating” but It Is Not Realistic.

confidence silent

If you need the sort of “love me for me” bullshit in this article, God (or your other higher-power, or some other imaginary friend) help you.  Refuse to listen to me because I am “skinny” and really don’t have to work at it that hard… whatever.  My weight doesn’t invalidate my opinions, and neither does yours.  Age and gravity may prevent me from having all that I want to see when I look in the mirror, but laziness, diet and lack of personal motivation certainly do not… what’s your excuse?

ballerina chains

The chains you are wearing are the ones you own.

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  1. Geez, yes. The last bit there reminds me of something I’ve said for years: They’re your chains; it’s your choice.

    But it’s so much easier blaming some mythical Other for the troubles that self discipline has no chance of coming into it.

  2. So you clearly had your significant other taken by a beautiful curvy lusicious woman. And you should be ashamed ! If you are going to write a ” hate blog” have some FACTS. There are medical conditions that cause uncontrollble hunger and to never stop feeling hunger and I mean the feeling that you are going to starve to death. My niece has Prader Willie Syndrome and she is a amazing teenage girl and everytime she reads or sees that she isnt good enough bc of is bullshit.
    Next time take your boney ass to the library and do some research before you attack a nation of girls that have a false idea of what a woman looks like. Google ancient Roman and Greek women then run you mouth they were full figured curvy goddesses and were revered because they produced strong healthy babies. So you hateful fucking cunt your little blog and your typical skinny bitch ( im guessin a blonde) Hate rant about real beauty fell short…

  3. Actually, the crazy bitch was tall, thin and blonde. If you bothered to read more of my posts you would know that my ex is a psycho who is in prison for hiring a man to kill me. Size wasn’t an issue, but an extreme psychological condition was.

    As far as being obese, legitimate medical conditions are quite rare. As you have so expertly proven, there is an overabundance of vitriol spewed forth by hyper-sensitive fat women directed at their thinner counterparts. Normalizing fat and demonizing thin is the issue that led to this post. I am tired of my daughters being discriminated against because of their size.

    Please, feel free to continue being the poster chick for hating other women because you don’t like what you see in the mirror. My guess is it is a damn big poster.

    • Unfortunately I’m really not interested in reading any more of your rants.. The ” hyper-sensitive fat woman” stigma was created by people like you calling another girl or woman a ” Hungry Hungry Hippo” and all the other very colorful names you used to describe any woman larger than a size 2. You attacked every girl and woman on this planet that has an imperfection. I weighed in at 97 Lbs in high school and was extremely athletic and like you I thought I was Gods Gift and suffered from delusions of grandure. And then I grew up and realized that I just like you was a cruel horrible bully. You can say that you weren’t being a hater and bully all you want but you are just that. I have a beautiful fit athletic daughter also and I have never ever heard anyone say ” Oh My Go she needs to eat more” because she is thin. Woman like you think that beauty is what you look like and so did I when I was younger before I had a daughter . Unlike your daughters mine was taught that true beauty comes from within. Your looks only last so long and if thats all you have then um yea i feel sorry for you. And yes I am a full figured Mother of 2 with ” rare ” Medical conditions that caused weight gain. The message you sent to the world was Cruel. Is it healthy for a teen girl to starve herself because someone like you has pounded it into her head that she’s isn’t beautiful if she chubby? Is it ok for a girl to puke up her meals because blogs, social media and tv , movie etc say she has to look like this? NO ITS NOT! And I’m Sorry but do you every single morbidly obese person story of what caused them to become that way ? NO YOU DONT! Many of them went through something tramatizing growing up and instead of turning to drugs and alcohol ( or in your case a hate monger blogging hater) They found comfort in food and it became a coping skill. And stereo typing that all us fatties as over eating, lazy , flabby , hungry hungry hippos dont have self control when it comes to our diets, or exercise is just ignorant! I am so picky about the foods my children eat and how much. It would like me saying all blondes are stupid. And that’s inaccurate . And Im sorry in the 8 years of my weight gain. I never ever heard a ” fat girl ” make of a thin girl. And the teenage girls that I know that are chubby ( fat) have compliment thin girls and women only to get disgusted look with and even more so disgusted sounding thank you. I have heard women and girls while out shopping she a pretty woman and say that they wished they looked like her. You are ignorant and the values you are teaching your daughters is horrible. it may be possible that your perfect girls hurt a fat girl by a comment about her weight and that knocked your daughter out ??? Just saying.

      one problem with being your poster chick, is that I dont hate other women. I do however dislike ignorant self righteous , holier than thou assholes that judge people based on what the look like and how much they weigh and then assume to know that they are lazy and dont eat right and that we cry over it. You said to us fat girls its not our business what others think of us right? Your right. But its also none of your business of what people think of you and your daughters. So if it makes you feel better to spread hatred and more young women insecure so they starve themselves to fit your ideals of beauty. You seriously need to stand in front of your own mirror and look closely . When I look in mine I see a good person not a hateful bitch but Im pretty that what will be waiting in your mirror

      • Look, hating a hater is an emotional waste of time. That goes both ways. If you really, truly hate my comments you are looking at it the wrong way. If you are intellectually honest, you will realize that I am a champion for you as a person with legitimate health issues. Why should you, as a person with an unavoidable condition, be diminished by the silly cows with self control issues? That makes no sense at all.

        The ideals of beauty are bullshit. They aren’t even ideal for most people, but normalizing the idea that every person should be obese isn’t healthy either. Super thin models are clothes hangers that allow the clothes to be seen. They make great ad campaigns. BUT making super fat women seem somehow superior to other women is just as nefarious and leads to reverse discrimination.

        With legitimate health concerns, just be as pretty as you can be and be comfortable in your own size range. My rant wasn’t against you, personally, or specifically against larger women. I was lashing out against lazy carb-soaked gluttons who are hateful towards women who tend towards the industry standard preferred size to use in advertising. Please, please, realize that the vast majority of large people (not just women) who are just pigs with self control issues make it that much harder for people with REAL health issues to bring awareness to, and thus, find cures for their dangerous medical conditions.

        It is very hard for me to adequately address comments on this very old blog post that was clearly written in a fit of rage against some extremely unfair comments that were made against my children IRL. I will spare you the “I have fat friends” speech (because I do actually know some curvy girls who eat like Olympians in training) if you promise me that you are at least trying your best to mitigate additional damage to your body by not scarfing down cake and diet sodas all day while trolling me for what my bony ass thinks of you.

      • No like fatty permalink

        Put down the fork tubby

      • Daphne permalink

        Audrey Vining LOL You are such a triggered fat ass! Maybe, instead of writing hysterical posts calling people names and saying you have a super rare illness that makes you gain massive weight (you don’t), get off your ass and exercise,piggy?

  4. meaghanbroadway permalink

    I got to your page by Googling, “Grandma with a fat ass.” Just thought you should know.

  5. That’s great! No idea how that happened but it is funny!

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