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Silent Night… The School Administrator Should Learn the Silent Part

December 12, 2013

Nothing like a beautiful Christmas concert preceded by a self-congratulatory liberal blowhard using it as an opportunity to push his misguided personal opinions and political agenda on a captive audience…I wouldn’t miss the concert for anything, but next year 10 minutes late is fine by me.

Yeah, fuck me, I posted that publicly on facebook, under my real name. Let the shit-storm commence…

Begin rant – prodigious use of profanity, so stop reading now if you might be offended…

If I happened to be Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, or a rabid atheist, our local Christmas concert would be front page news by five seconds ago because the songs prominently featured Christ or biblical themes.  I have been furious, livid, and outraged before, but this is about 23.5 notches past that… The sorry pansy-ass liberal-worthless-excuse-of-a-principal started out his public-fapping by announcing that he didn’t often have a captive audience before launching into his verbal masturbation.  (No shit, Sherlock?)  I would have been less offended if he had dropped his pants and told all of us he just enjoyed busting a nut with a crowd of spectators before the children started singing Christmas carols.

“Someone, please cue Obama’s speechwriters, Mr. Green is about to test out the latest load of reindeer shit to be spewed out of the mouth of an ‘authority figure’ onto some unsuspecting Christmas concert-goers.”

I want to take this opportunity to inform you all –  that in light of the unfortunate events in Connecticut last year,  we have taken special precautions to make sure that our school is a Gun and Weapon-Free Zone AND we installed security measures that ensure  all children are locked down from the time they enter the building to the time that they are dismissed.  No One can get in or out without our administrative staff allowing entrance.  We have also stepped up measures to make sure that no child ever feels unsafe for any reason in or out of school by employing a full time counselor so we can eliminate in-school threats and involving State-accreditation case workers whenever any student feels threatened by individuals outside of our Safe Friendly School Environment.”

Please, allow me to translate what the Grand-High-Mystic-Poobah of our local school said into terms that a thinking person can understand:

Since you are all to worried about what everyone else thinks to get up and walk out when your kids are about to sing, let me tell you what to think, and, please heap your sheep-like praises upon me as your local savior… In the aftermath of the school shootings last year, in which a bunch of innocent people were killed because no one had the appropriate defensive weapons to stop a mad man (if you even believe that it went down like that) …We, the gods of this district, have put up signs to deter anyone from possessing a firearm.  We have further implemented a policy that guarantees that no one can get into the building unless the secretary knows them personally and buzzes them in.  From the time the kids enter the building, until they leave they are under tighter control that prisoners in a maximum security prison.  If any one of your kids says anything -that at any time- makes another student feel uncomfortable, we will just expel the offender so that only the weakest can maintain a false sense of security, develop no useful social or coping skills, and are assured that they are currently and will constantly be surrounded by puppies, kittens, cotton candy and unicorns pooping rainbows.  We have also adopted nationally recognized standards so that no student is subjected to grading policies which may be degrading to that student who may not be able to read at fucking grade level.  Pass, Try Again, or We Will Give You a Cookie So You Don’t Feel Left Out … and if you dare to contradict this poicy, we will call in CPS brownshirts to take your kids away before you can teach them to think for themselves….Barf….Barf…. BARF.

 As much as I hate to play this card, as one of the 0.02% of the population who was ACTUALLY the [intended] victim of a violent crime, a real one,  here goes: You “normal” citizens who just vaguely fear some random attack because the national media tell you to are a bunch of miserable pussies.  Do you really think that a video camera and some “weapon free zone” signs are all that stand between you and a bullet?  They are fucking traffic signs.  If you have never rolled through a stop sign without coming to a complete stop, congratulations, but for the rest of you normal people – that s exactly how a psycho with a gun thinks of a “no gun” sign…Best of luck with that one. Will your special snowflake daughter or son be spared their life because some kid got expelled for telling them they suck at dodge-ball??? Whose life is bettered because some meanie got expelled for telling your little candy-ass milquetoast kid, “Nanny-nanny-boo-boo”??? Will a life of agony and despair be prevented because your child (or you, yourself) never had to see someone get an award for being a superior person (in sports, reading, math,customer service, frying up burgers, tiddly-winks or Texas Hold ‘Em)??? Bullies like the boss at your current job, or your kid’s first job, or the dude about to shut off your electricity will totally respect that, because that is how you want the world to be and He or She would never, ever want to hurt your feelings.  DUH.

People are better than you.  Get. The. Fuck. Over. It.

While we are at it – The world is dangerous.  Hide under your desk; tell your kid to hide from a bullet, hope your kid’s classroom is the one with bullet-proof desks, or make the fuck sure your kid’s teacher is armed and can respond to conflict in kind should the need arise…. OR just believe that the “Gun And Weapon Free Zone” signs free you and your precious offspring from harm. I would rather know that the person in charge can stop a bullet with a bullet rather than their tears or fervent prayers.  IN MY LIFE THAT MAY WELL BE A REALITY AND WHAT IF YOUR KID SITS NEXT TO MINE IN SOCIAL STUDIES CLASS????  If some freaking psycho might possibly get past the secretary’s “come on in” buzzer and start shooting or stabbing everyone in sight – wouldn’t you rather the janitor or the band director put a bullet in them before they blast your kid into soup the EMTs suck off the floor with a ShopVac??? Or do you really think that the person who wants them dead will come to the school and stop cold when they see a sign that says “No Weapons”?

The 20 mph School Zone Speed Limit sign 300 feet from my High School Parking Lot totally kept me and my friends from ever, ever whipping donuts in the parking lot, and we never, ever, never ever called anyone stupid, or a slut, or made fun of them, because “Bullying is Wrong”… and the stinky kid didn’t start to shower after P.E. because we pointed out his-or-her personal hygiene issues.  Nope.  None of that happened.

Thank God (or your non-specific higher power if you believe in one that has more value than your government) that we are all free now from the oppression of reality.  No One must ever again be subjected to the feeling that they can better themselves.  Hallelujah!!! Praise Them That Knows Better than us common folk…

Raise your glass to the safety of your kids and their inability to function as sovereign people watch some sports, and sleep well.  I won’t sleep at all, because it will take some careful words to get the sorry motherfucker who wants the whole world to *appear* to be a kind gentle place fired.  I am raising warriors who can stand on their own two feet and if the state-approved animal trainers don’t like it… haha, too late. Even if I lose this battle, I have taught my kids the values that mean I have already won the war.

Merry Christmas!

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2 Comments
  1. David Sutton permalink

    ABSOLUTELY! Beautifully written!

    I used to teach at a country school, and at that place, I can guarantee that anyone appearing on campus with a gun would be met with a forest of other guns. There were guns in gun racks on almost every truck in the parking lot. The first day of deer season every year was a holiday.

    How times have changed.

  2. Yes. Times have changed. Here though, not so much. Many parents are dissatisfied with the current administrator. He just doesn’t fit in well here. There may not be that many politically active people here, but they DO know right from wrong and lots od daddies (and mommies) refuse to honor or obey our elementary school nanny’s gun free zone or his other royal edicts. Run home to put your rifle in the gun safe before taking your kid to school or picking them up? Not likely. Respect the silly notion that children can never feel unsafe or upset? What a load of crap. Kids are scared to touch a hot stove with good reason. The same idea applies to other areas of life. You can’t learn to avoid bullies or assholes if you’ve spent your whole life having them removed from your presence.

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