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Free the Single Mom

November 9, 2013
  1.  Your kids are not your life.  If they are, then grow up and be a parent, not your kids’ friend.  You are a crappy example of a human being if you don’t have your own interests outside of your offspring.  You probably shouldn’t be out chasing around guys, but having your own life doesn’t mean going out and getting laid or searching for the next Mr. RightNow.  You need to have something besides your kids and the next overdue bill to occupy your time and mind.  No one else caused this situation, and no one else can fix it.  You allowed this to happen and you are all you have, nevermind the kids…Stop Blaming Others.
  2. Be good with money.  Accept the fact that child support is a gift, not a right.  If you can’t make it on what you can earn, you need to learn the difference between wants and needs.  Cable or satellite tv, dance lessons, karate, or brand name clothes that don’t come from a thrift store are silly materialistic bullshit you are using to fill a void in your life that you probably created yourself out of being an unrealistic narcissist, and if your kids are focused on that garbage, you are failing as a parent and raising undisciplined brats.
  3. Be good at as many things as you can. Cooking; sewing; changing your own oil; growing food; reading classic literature… All of that is ridiculously cheap and also time consuming.  Since you are probably working your ass off anyway, your bills are overdue and you want to fling yourself off the nearest tall building, you might as well distract yourself with being good at something that will make your kids proud of you.  All those things can save you money or be a source of pride at the very least, so learn to get good at any or all of them and make them activities that will allow you to involve your kids – by force or bribery if necessary.
  4. Never miss a teachable moment with your kids.  Those activities that you choose to enrich yourself are also wonderful means through which you can show your children to be resourceful, have common sense, use logic, save money, or, gawd forbid, solve problems without someone else intervening.  Above all else, make that stuff fun!
  5. On the days when you can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, you are the light.  Even though your kids shouldn’t be your sole source of self-validation, they are little immature humans who need you to be their guiding light or at least the beacon on your family’s lighthouse keeping you from hitting the rocks.  We all have problems, and my problems make yours look small, and your problems make mine look insignificant, but our kids have to see that we can right the ship or sweep them out of the way of an oncoming train.  We have to do that without blaming anyone else for the danger, if you don’t believe that, reread this from the beginning until you Get It.

Next up, what I do to follow my own advice…

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One Comment
  1. Peregrine John permalink

    You are the light.
    Damn straight.

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