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It’s Not Over Until the Fat Lady Wears Pajamas

August 24, 2013

Or in my case, until the skinny girl goes to the library after work… Yeah, in a story that only gets weirder and weirder, I got a text from B last night that says he ‘held a baby and wants one of his own now’… What.The. Ever.Loving. Fuck. Ok whatever.  I am just getting over this whole sordid mess, and I texted back, “You are insane. Don’t and can’t pay your own bills, can’t be bothered to take care of the garden and didn’t want the responsibility of a kitten, plus didn’t fucking care about the harm done to me or my kids who you claim to still love.   I AM DONE” Yeah, and that is pretty much the text that ended my sorrow over the break-up and the ongoing messaging since the fiasco with his father’s eviction letter which effectively ended our relationship.

Not one to be content when backed into a corner, I used a letter I wrote to B’s dad and added a little more to it.  To be clear, B read the letter when it was written and asked me to send it.  Remember, the forced break-up was stated by his father as due to my sordid background, and I wanted to clear the air.  I despise dishonesty in all its’ forms and especially despise being accused of it.  If you want to know what the hell I am thinking, ask me directly, you will not be disappointed.  Instead of using regular mail, I wanted to give an extra subtle “fuck you” to B’s dad, so this was delivered by placing it in his car while he was visiting B’s mom at the nursing home.  There is sure to be fallout.

In case you wonder, I am currently drinking an adult beverage and waiting for the reaction, see here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MW_5J3aPqI

Here, in its glorious entirety, is the letter I placed in the miserable, manipulative and abusive old bastard’s car where he should be finding it right about this very second….

G is the dad:

8/22/2013

The attached letter was written shortly after receiving the letter from your attorney regarding the property where B now resides. Regardless of the fact that is will no longer make a difference, I want to set the record straight with you regarding my past history as that was apparently a major factor in your decision to put a stop to the relationship I had with B.  I still fail to understand how our ‘playing house’ was detrimental to anyone.  

To make it perfectly clear, if it isn’t in the attached letter, I would not have seriously considered living with anyone who is not able to support themselves, at my house or theirs.  If you thought otherwise, it would be an insult to my intelligence if it wasn’t profoundly absurd.  I am a self-sufficient person and would expect the same of anyone who intended to be my  significant other or spouse, as Bwas well aware.

This past few weeks has caused me great pain and suffering. I feel as though my spirit has been completely broken by this whole ordeal.  As the saying goes, “this too shall pass”.  What will not pass is the fact that the only close relationship I have ever had with a man is over, and worse yet, B is the only male role model that the kids spent any appreciable amount of time with who didn’t abuse them.

Given my history, which you now hold in your hands, that is no small statement. I can do nothing to cause B to be honest with me regarding the true nature of his decision, and I have said some exceptionally mean things to him regarding the emotional toll he had on my life during the time we dated.  I hope in sending you this information, I will have some small form of closure.

Lastly, of all the numerous financial expenses and material losses incurred during the course of our relationship and subsequent break-up, I am most upset about the loss of the garden and the chickens, The ongoing increased expense affects not only my family, but various less fortunate friends and neighbors as well.  If you would be so kind, please make sure the food does not go to waste. Perhaps the church or some other civic organization would harvest the produce and use it to benefit others or perhaps, the nursing home can make use of it.

If you wish to contact me, you may obtain any contact information needed through Brin. *The daughter from G’s first marriage*

Thank you for reading this,

Original letter here:

8/16/2013

G:

I would throw myself at your feet and beg for your forgiveness if I thought it would be of any use or do any penance you devised to atone for my past relationships, if only I thought there was the slightest chance it would make a difference to you.  No matter what you think you know of my past or what you have done to cause B to abandon our relationship, one thing is certain: You never once had the respect to ask me or B directly in an honest, non-confrontational way, about the things that trouble you regarding my past.

Details of my past relationships and circumstances were never hidden from B and because we are both adults, I didn’t feel there was any need to subject myself to interrogation by his father.  Having said that, neither was information specifically hidden from you either. As you have made no effort to speak to me personally, I am taking this opportunity to clarify a few of the finer points of my past history; perhaps it will be a useful addition to your “file”:

Because you have obtained my prior married name: During our brief marriage, Mr. T was, and for all I know or care, still is, married to his first wife.  I would have petitioned for an annulment through the courts, but that would likely have also nullified the divorce settlement, and caused him to be subject to criminal charges.  As a prominent business owner, and powerful figure in the community, Mr. T would have been subjected to nasty publicity that would have done tremendous damage to his reputation and business interests.  I felt it best to let the matter quietly fade away and remain a private indignation.

In early 2000, I married Mr. Sadie, and the marriage produced two children, S and M.  For most of our marriage, he was employed as a military contractor overseas, in a war zone, and was only ‘in-country’ for 35 days or less out of each calendar year. Sometime in 2003, I learned of Mr. Sadie’s renewed relationship with a woman he had originally dated during in high school. I subsequently had an affair that resulted in the birth of Z in 2005, though I would hardly announce that to any rude individual who accused me of it upon our first meeting, I freely discussed those circumstances with B early in our relationship.  Although it’s not exactly a deep, dark secret, it simply isn’t a topic normally addressed in the course of polite conversation.  Z’s father has never had any contact with her.

Divorce papers were filed in late 2006 after I learned Mr. Sadie was not only having an affair, but also expecting his first child with his mistress, and that he had purchased a residence for her in the small town where I was raising our daughters. While I was initially willing to overlook his indiscretion, her presence in our hometown, attempts to contact my daughters at their school, and openly flaunting her relationship with my husband was more of an indignity than I felt I should bear. 

Mr. Sadie and his mistress had two children together, and on June 5, 2009, he was arrested for hiring man to construct a weapon to have me killed. His weapon of choice was a bomb, but if you have a obtained a copy of the divorce decree, you already know that since the police records are attached to the final decree as evidence required by the court to justify a permanent protective order. On July 3, 2009, my divorce was finalized in a heavily guarded courtroom, and even though he was handcuffed and shackled, for the safety of all parties, Mr. Sadie’s’ participation in the hearing was limited to viewing the proceedings via closed circuit television from a conference room in the courthouse.

As you are obviously aware, Mr. Sadie remains incarcerated on a 17 year prison sentence for Solicitation of Capital Murder.  The answers to the questions I am most commonly asked are: Yes, it is my belief he will pose a threat to my safety and the safety of my daughters upon his release. No. I do not know that for a fact. My belief that he will pose a threat may be a by-product of the trauma I experienced as a result of his actions rather than actual reality.  Out of an abundance of caution, I do everything I can to prevent having my legal name associated with a physical address to mitigate the potential threat to myself, my children, friends, neighbors, and members of the community in general. I am also in regular contact with a victims’ advocate, and when Mr. Sadie is released from prison, a specific and detailed safety plan will be created.

After my filing for divorce from Mr. Sadie, I never sought to have another relationship.  Please bear in mind that the divorce spanned nearly three years, during which time I did not date at all. After I was forced by Mr. Sadie’ arrest to relocate to Kansas, I was associated with one local person as a “boyfriend” who managed to get a 19-year-old girl pregnant while we were dating. I also briefly dated two other individuals. Brandon is aware of the identity of all those individuals, and out of respect for their privacy I am not going to disclose that information to you. I remain on good terms with them. Those relationships were casual in nature, and not considered long term either by either party. I do not now, nor did I ever, consider my relationship with B to be ‘casual’ – a term I am using out of respect, as the contemporary term for such relationships is somewhat vulgar in nature.

In late 2012, B approached me, via a social networking site, I resisted, but he was persistent in his pursuit of a relationship with me, and I eventually agreed to see him.  For the first few weeks I even listed him as ‘stalker’ in my phone. (He will probably super-impressed I’ve mentioned that.) His charm and wit, along with his smile and sincerity convinced me that he was a kind, caring person of value to me as a man.   We had a good relationship, and I came to admire and love him in a way that I never thought possible given my past experiences. I fail to see what harm or damage I did to your son by loving him, but obviously, to you, that was a terrible and unforgivable act of evil that could not be allowed to continue under any circumstances.

As was clearly evident, I did all I could to help B make his house into a place that was ours together, while retaining my own home, which I own.  We both knew that it would be difficult to maintain two residences, but he led me to believe that his feelings for me made the hardship worth the effort. I would not have considered living with B full-time for specific reasons that B and I privately discussed. We believed that eventually, circumstances would change and we would be together as a family in a more permanent state, but you intervened before any of our long-term goals as a committed couple could be accomplished.

Words cannot adequately describe the magnitude of the heartbreak that you caused by your obvious disdain for my presence in B.  Neither of us ever considered that you would falsely believe I was residing full time in his house. I now know that the property is yours to control as you see fit, even if only to utilize it as leverage to manipulate B into complying with your wishes.  Simply stated, my daughters and I spent our time at the farm during their summer break because it was more convenient and cheaper for B. We went back to our house every day while B was at work. My only intentions this summer were to show your son I loved him and make the most of a personal financial situation that allowed me to concentrate my efforts on the comfort of my children and your son rather than working full time.

It is with deepest regret that I have had to degrade myself by writing this letter explaining the circumstances of my life that led to a relationship with your son.  It is not now, nor was it ever, any of your business to have this information.  However, given the lengths that you went to in obtaining information about my personal history, and the dubious statements you subsequently made about me in coercing your son into ending our relationship, I feel that I am well-justified in providing you with a more balanced perspective than you would have access to otherwise, regardless of your method of investigation. Perhaps now your curiosity is satisfied.

I never intended any harm to B, to V (B’s mom), or to you – including financial harm, which seems to be your only concern. It is self-evident that your focus is not the emotional well-being or happiness of your son. Your vision of me as a person who sought to derive some financial benefit from my relationship with B is plainly irrational. If I was after money there are certainly more viable options than a 30-year-old forklift driver who doesn’t even pay his own bills and is drowning in his own personal sea of debt. I was with B because I cared about him as a person, and enjoyed spending time with him. Quite frankly, other than being a kind and loving individual, he has little else to offer. That’s really the whole point, anyway: I didn’t need B in my life; I wanted B in my life. To that end, I am pleased to have made B’s house look more like a home, and will always cherish the memories we made together, including the family dinners that I was privileged to prepare, especially Easter dinner when V (B’s mom) helped us do dishes – and shame on all of us for not getting pictures of that.

I apologize for whatever harm you imagined I brought to your son.  B approved the content of this message before I sent it, and for my protection, a hard-copy of this communication will be sent to B and others as I see fit or am instructed by him. Additionally, to minimize the likelihood that you will misconstrue or attempt to manipulate my words to further bolster your efforts to disparage my reputation or portray me negatively to others, including B, as you evidently have been doing for quite some time now. If you find the statements contained herein to be inadequate, you are certainly welcome to request additional information in writing, but as you have accomplished your goal of destroying a solid, loving relationship, I doubt that will be necessary.

You, V, and especially B, will remain in my thoughts and prayers. 

 

Regards,

How’s that for a final round of ‘Fuck-Off and Die/You Disgusting Pile of Shit? I was ever trying to encourage B to be a red pill guy and take charge.  It may be possible to turn a beta dish-rag and show him how to be Alpha, or at least withing the confinces of his primary relationship, but not when the raw material is a man who has been  simultaneously abused emotionally and then indulged financially his whole life.  Every time daddy was mean, B got some financial perk for a reward… Fuck.  That whole deal is like a battered woman who forgives the abuser when she gets flowers…

At any rate, I am over it, and you all can make any comment you like, I am not scared of criticism, I just wanted some closure.  Bet I get it now!!!   Stay tuned to hear the story of the vultures circling the decaying remains.

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2 Comments
  1. David Sutton permalink

    Good deal! I know you feel numb with the emotional upheaval, but this is what we who follow along with you have waiting for. I hope you find some measure of true happiness. God knows you deserve it.

  2. Cranberry permalink

    You can’t change the past or the bad choices you made in men in the past, but you can WAKE THE FUCK UP and stop making poor choices, including moving in with men you’ve only known for a few months.

    Let the drama wither on the vine. Stop reading his texts, stop answering them. This Relationship Cannot Be Saved, so stop trying. Despite your protests, you are NOT done with this guy because you continue to interact with him. And if the father/son won’t save the produce from the garden, just to stick it to you, then you’ll have to do as farmers since time out of mind have done and write it off as a loss, gather yourself, and move on.

    You’ve got a collection of partially-related little girls who are learning how to choose men based on your behavior. You date, mate, move in, get abused (physically, verbally, emotionally, maybe all three at once) and then obsess over it. Is that really how you want your girls to be treated by men? They are not princesses, but neither are they doormats, and Christian women all over the manosphere would be quick to point out that “submission” doesn’t equal being tooled over and over again.

    For better or for worse, the property from which you were evicted belonged to a man who did not want you living there. Whatever tactics he used to manipulate his son, they do not matter. If the son felt his money was more important than love, so be it. You were used, and that’s sad, but consider that perhaps you’re not in a pretty position to attract quality the way you perhaps were, once upon a time.

    You come with baggage: physical (kids), emotional (get too wrapped up in relationships too quickly), historical (crazy potentially murderous ex and history of vengeful infidelity by your own admission). That’s a tough bite to swallow.

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