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Cranberry Whine

August 24, 2013

Yeah… eventually someone was going to take me to task.  That’s cool, I have a boundless supply of reasons why I am unworthy of the idealistic, and occasionally ridiculously idealistic ideals of the manosphere, but let’s all stop for a minute and recognize that people come to the Red Pill philosophy at different places in their lives and some of us have checkered pasts that do not meet the standards or ideals we all support. I am not preaching “tolerance” here, because I am not a “love everyone and everything” kind of gal.  I say only this:  I am learning to live again after a horrible past and some really fucked up decisions that turned out to be wrong even though the seemed like logical and correct choices in the beginning.  Slow your roll if you are predisposed to hate on me,, please, because I do not have the time or ambition to put my whole life out here daily, blow-by-blow on ‘teh interwebs’ and I use the blog to blow off steam…

mean on internetSeriously, you think you can judge me??? Do you even follow what he hell is happening here???

From a comment that didn’t warrant a direct reply, but an entire post:

You can’t change the past or the bad choices you made in men in the past, but you can WAKE THE FUCK UP and stop making poor choices, including moving in with men you’ve only known for a few months.

Yep.  The past is passed.  Then this: if poor outcomes are the standard, and the advice here is to stop making them, the that advise is essentially to make no choice at all.  “Never have a relationship at all” seems like an an unreasonable option.  As far as “men I have only known for a few months” yeah, the pursuit was several months of resistance, and then I was only at ‘his place’ to make supper or when we were working on the garden, doing laundry or tending the pasture so he could just chill with us having supper as a family or work on vehicles/equipment.  Basically, we made supper and slept at the farm, I came to my own house to work during the day and so the kids could chill with their friends. No One Was Living With Another Person.

Let the drama wither on the vine. Stop reading his texts, stop answering them. This Relationship Cannot Be Saved, so stop trying. Despite your protests, you are NOT done with this guy because you continue to interact with him. And if the father/son won’t save the produce from the garden, just to stick it to you, then you’ll have to do as farmers since time out of mind have done and write it off as a loss, gather yourself, and move on.

“You are NOT done with this guy” ” Truer words have never been spoken.  I will add to that, he is not done with me either.  Shortly after my last post, B showed up at my house (which again, I maintain, own and we also have lights, running water, heat, AC and a well-stocked kitchen so we,,myself and my girls are fully-appointed with all the normal creature comforts since we did not *live with* another person). He brought a lot, A LOT of garden produce, and I am now in the process of finding others who are in need of having the stuff, and also preparing to process the excess. Let all you city folk stop an think about the amount of food grown in a garden that is at least a quarter acre… it is thousands of pounds of food, that should not be just ‘let go’ whether I harvest it and use or distribute it personally or not.

You’ve got a collection of partially-related little girls who are learning how to choose men based on your behavior. You date, mate, move in, get abused (physically, verbally, emotionally, maybe all three at once) and then obsess over it. Is that really how you want your girls to be treated by men? They are not princesses, but neither are they doormats, and Christian women all over the manosphere would be quick to point out that “submission” doesn’t equal being tooled over and over again.

“a collection of partially related little girls” Yeah, nice of you to point that out.  My ONLY indiscretion while married was an affair the resulted in my youngest child, who was born AFTER my then-husband already had a child with another woman. I am an adulterous bitch, FML.   Yeah, I have made mistakes, but bear in mind that the only consistent male influence my girls have ever had is B. My daughters have been largely insulated from my daughters, and their only face-to-face contact with a man in the position of ‘authority is B.  No matter what my past history is, look at the timeline in my last post.  I did NOT have any relationship with anyone that my girls are aware of until B.  From 2004 until 2012, my daughters have sen me with No One.   All the abuse I have endured is at the hands of others who preceded any relationship that my daughters have witnessed.  I have had financial concerns, but my kids know mommy will take care of it, whatever it is.  If anything, I am modeling behavior to my girls that shows them men are unnecessary.   I am not seeking a male companion, B pursued me.  I fell prey to him when I had repeatedly rejected others, go on and tel me I am garbage for that…

For better or for worse, the property from which you were evicted belonged to a man who did not want you living there. Whatever tactics he used to manipulate his son, they do not matter. If the son felt his money was more important than love, so be it. You were used, and that’s sad, but consider that perhaps you’re not in a pretty position to attract quality the way you perhaps were, once upon a time. 

There is no legal way to ‘evict’ a person from a property where they did not reside.  I played momma/housewife/good girlfriend this summer because my personal finances dictated that I could comfortably do so. As I have already stated, B was raised to do as he is told his entire life.  Some of us, like B had rebellion beaten or cruelly manipulated out of us; most of us with decent parents, rebelled and were allowed to make mistakes we could learn from.  Through friends and acquaintances, of the B family, I have learned a great deal about his father recently and none of it is pretty. I will say this, emphatically and with conviction: this break up wasn’t due to some character flaw by B. His choice (as I now know from his visit) was no choice at all.  My hurt is a by-product of a truly terrible situation. more on that in a different post.

You come with baggage: physical (kids), emotional (get too wrapped up in relationships too quickly), historical (crazy potentially murderous ex and history of vengeful infidelity by your own admission). That’s a tough bite to swallow.

My kids are not “baggage” – they are little human beings that I am emotionally and financially responsible for without any assistance from their fathers or Daddy Government.  Whatever idealistic nirvana you live in, there are those of us who are learning our lessons in a public way and your vitriol is misguided.  Not everyone in the manosphere is a 20-year-old virgin goddess who is here it be a paragon of virtue and object of desire.  Some of us came to the game later after being (literally or physically) beaten to it.

Blessings and Peace, Cranberry

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  1. David Sutton permalink

    I am not trying to be a White Knight, but you sure as hell didn’t deserve that post.

  2. Thanks, David. I am just doing the best I can in an unprecedented and horrific situation. I don’t really mind the awful comment that led to this post. It actually helped me to get some things off my heart that were bringing me down. I don’t think you are being a ‘white knight’ at all, you just see things for what they are at the moment and you have certainly followed the story for long enought to understand. I do not need sympathy or a knight to come to my rescue, but I damn sure appreciate the support!!!

  3. Peregrine John permalink

    Eh, stupid people are stupid, and it seems irrevocable. And judging unawares is among the most stupid behaviors available. Though I usually advise against acknowledging trolls, as they seem able to feed off someone even noticing their existence, using them as a springboard seems like a fun idea. Might have to make use of that, myself.

  4. Mina permalink

    There is no room in this manosphere thingy for any woman to have any sense of her own morals or judgement. You get berated for having a baby out of wedlock yet terminating a pregnancy shows you are of low character. I get really sick of it – so should you. Personally posting any of this just plays to their “superiority” over you…F*ck em. Good luck with your situation, I’ll bet it turns out better than you expect.

  5. It seems like there is no room in the “manosphere” for any woman who does not meet ideals. I was berated for having an affair, but those who have followed me for a while and can actually read caught on that I was left alone to care fro my family except for 30 days or less out of the year. Not much of a marriage, and in the end, it was 10 or fewer days, when my “husband” already had children with his mistress. I get angry about the comments sometimes, but for the most part, Mina, they have been positive, or neutral. My situation is thus far, emotionally worse, but meh, my finances are in order. I just can’t bring myself to blog about it, not just yet, but stay tuned, it’s coming.

    I know you are frustrated with the manosphere, but please keep in mind that wounded people often develop hardcore ideals that they express here (all Red Pill Blogs) and they are just a by-product of having seen the light on each person’s respective “never, ever again” list.

  6. Mina permalink

    I am not frustrated with the manosphere, I simply find most of it beneath me.

  7. Peregrine John permalink

    Of course it’s beneath you. Imagine a bunch of people stumbling out of the dark for the first time after discovering there is something outside the absolute blackness of their caves, where they had to rely on the unreliable good will of others to keep from hitting sharp rocks or falling into pits. Their eyes hurt like hell from never having been used before, the world outside is unbelievably good, beautiful, and safer, and the very people who tried to keep them in the dark – many of whom live there still – are trying to talk them into returning.

    Each of the escapees thought they were the only one, and they’re collectively trying to make sense of what they always should have known. It’s all being figured out and built from nothing, and there’s precious little help from outside their number that is anything like trustworthy. Is it any surprise that their sight is confused, their development stunted, and their mood angry? Is it any surprise that their basic discoveries seem sophomoric to one who is used to seeing?

  8. Peregrine John permalink

    For what it’s worth, angry people unused to seeing properly have a strong tendency to go off half-cocked and make bizarre blanket judgements. It’s not right, but it is predictable. Reliable, even.

  9. Plato’s Allegory of the Cave. Nicely stated, John. You just made my day in more ways than one. 🙂

  10. Peregrine John permalink

    Aw, thanks, Sadie! It occurred to me (thanks to a line from the movie) that the Matrix and Plato’s Cave had a usefully overlapping metaphor, but wasn’t sure if I could pull it off. I am enormously pleased that it pleased.

  11. Mina permalink

    The problem is that the manospher folks are locked into a very small matrix of human sexual interaction that they completely miss its dependence on the much larger, much more impactful matrix that it is contained by. When that one caves, it will take this one with it. There is very little reason to invest much effort in a dependent paradigm.

    small minds are boring. I feel bad for you, Sadie, being surrounded by such a wide array and variety of small mindedness. Good luck to you.

  12. Mina permalink

    … of course what’s funny about your little story is that you only think you are blinking in the sunlight but actually you are still in the cave thinking you are blinking in the sunlight.

    the matrix continues to work just the way it was designed. you dreamed you took a red pill and you are dreaming that you are realizing its effects yet you are still solidly plugged in, just they way they want you.

    Sadie not you so much, but since I don’t really know you I have no idea how aware you are. But again, good luck. You’re going to need it!!

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