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Metal Flakes in the Oil

July 30, 2013

A few days before the trip, I melted a hole in a favorite dress.  I then figured out that the kids didn’t quite get the freezer door shut and lost a few hundred dollars of food.  On the way out the door to go to B’s place, I dropped my phone and shattered the screen.  I have been without a phone for a little over a week now due to system changes in my carrier’s system.  Eek, that was a rough few days of unplugging from the matrix!  Finally, despite the awards, compliments and accolades for B and I on our car show trip,  the vibration in the ’58 Chevy turned out to be (most likely) a rod bearing.  For you car folks, that is a rod bearing in a $10,000 Kustom motor.  (If you aren’t into cars, custom is spelled with a K when it comes to a specific type of vehicle.) In short, it wasn’t all fun times this weekend, but a phone, some meat, a motor and a melted dress don’t compare to what happened when we came home.

polka dots and oxfords

Naughtiest thing I did  publicly all weekend…. Happy fun time came to a screeching halt when we got home. (Note: shoe and arm not touching car!)

B and I decided that even though we would prefer to live together, in light of his dad’s unreasonable and vehement hatred for me, it would be better to stay in two houses for this school year.  I am not moving my kids one mile out of district if his dad might sell the farm out from under us… but I am getting ahead of myself, excuse me while I toss this post in reverse.  If you have followed here for a while, you have figured out that B is recovering Beta, or, more accurately, growing up.  I have established that his dad is an evil, manipulative sack of crap, and if you think I am just being mean, no need to wonder anymore…

Since we live in two houses, I still have most of my things at my place.  I come use my computer at the place i own while B works.  The kids and I stay with B at his place when he is home.  B’s farm is where I make family meals, grow the garden, raise the chickens, and work on making Our Home (ok, our eventual home, we thought) pretty with landscaping and curtains, etc. Oh, but not so fast hod rodder,… B’s dad, had a little surprise for him when we got home.

July 2013 011

“Leave her and do what I say or I sell the farm.”

(Note to purists: this is the restored “pull-rig” not a tractor for working the land, but you get the idea.)

Four generations on this land, and I am not the first woman that B’s dad has forced him to get rid of.   Honestly, I am probably not even the highest quality woman he has dated, especially in light of my age, but nevertheless, the ultimatum has been issued.  B is not willing to give up either.  Not the farm, not me.  Here, some may be a repeat, is the “justification” of B’s dad’s logic:

“She only paid for the trip this weekend to trick you into thinking that she doesn’t want your money.” 

Yes, because I booked the rooms four months ago specifically because it is part of my evil plan to override state law and get B’s “Sole and Separate Property” taken away… yeah, I am an evil genius like that.

“You only won that award because your welfare whore girlfriend showed her pussy to the crowd.” 

Excuse me?????? Nevermind that, I have showed you the pictures here on this blog.  NO explanation required when it comes to my qppearance, and welfare?  I would rather eat my own children.

and everyone’s favorites:

“If you didn’t have that woman in your life your mom would still be home, all this is your fault”

“If I see her again on MY PROPERTY I will change the locks and call the law.”

Well, well, well.  I try to be a nice, sweet red pill woman, which is extra difficult since I am trying to get B to embrace his alpha potential, but, I am financially independent, own my home, raise my kids alone (no secret why) and I do all I can to let B take the reins,  Not now.  The claws are out.  I have used my legal resources and connections to get B the best legal representation possible without creating a conflict of interest.  I have directed, not suggested, not batted my eyes to get him to take charge.  Dad is not mentally competent, B must grow up.  I do not even stay in the room while he talks to his legal representative.  It is a balancing act of epic proportions. but that is where my ability to be a sweet, kind woman ends.  So help me God, if I ever see B cry again over what he is told by his manipulative, evil, narcissistic, control freak father, I won’t sleep until I see that piece of shit destroyed, humiliated and exposed publicly for being the fake attention seeking faux martyr that he holds himself out to be.

I am June Cleaver only until you screw with my kids or my man.  I am so very conflicted about this thing with B, I can barely contain myself.  I shouldn’t have to protect him, but he is so kind, gentle and brainwashed by his father.  He Needs Protection.   He has never had to grow up and take personal responsibility, including paying his own bills because Daddy Says that the Bills Are Write Offs For the Farm.  Utter Bullshit.   I have the experience and skills to completely step in and “fix this” but I have to super glue my mouth shut to keep from taking over.   Wish luck to B, please, he will need it with or without me, and if this continues, it will be without me I will have no part of being the reason that he loses everything.

Thoughts, prayers and advice appreciated.  I now have to go tend the garden while B’s dad is off at the casino… because he is soooooooo broke.  Effff. Help!!!


UPDATE: Another phase begins.  Yesterday, B’s momma was transferred to a facility closer to home.  Naturally, B’s dad didn’t tell him until late in the evening when B called regarding another unrelated matter.  Oh, but he DID go out and about telling others that B didn’t even bother to show up to visit his mother, because he was with me.  Manipulation level: expert.  There are three things wrong with that tall tale.  One: B had no idea that his momma was moved.  Two: I am working on a file conversion for my attorney’s office so I was no where near B last night.  Three: I have friends who are older retired folks and thus run in the same circles as B’s dad and old folks love to gossip.  B and I knew what his dad was up to literally within minutes.

I went into nuclear meltdown mode, it wasn’t pretty.  Stay tuned, things are pretty precarious with B and it is my fault.  Blinding fury overrides the red pill, and the hamster says I have been through enough, I do not need this drama, and not entirely hamster speak, but while I am still working through recovery from being a Victim(TM) I cannot continue to function with this level of stress.

While  hesitate to refer to it as “spiritual attack” if it isn’t, then it’s a pretty damn good imitation…

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  1. David Sutton permalink

    Thoughts and prayers freely given. I am afraid that I have seen this before, only with the genders reversed. Without going into excruciating details, I had to finally cut a cord with a woman I truly loved. It hurt. It still hurts,but I am better off, and she and her mother are continuing their symbiotic, journey into mutual destruction. Anyway, I am sorry, and wish you all the best.

    If I were B, I think I would shut the old man up with a right hook. Just sayin’.

  2. David, this is horrible, and I am not handling it well. I am afraid that this is headed the same direction as the situation you described. It isn’t easy or pleasant and I have been tempted more than once to call the whole thing off. At this point, “mutual destruction” between B and his dad seems to be the only possible outcome.

    I am having a very tough time trying to figure out why B’s dad would do this, but I suspect the key to that is that I quite clearly expressed my concerns over momma’s welfare. While I do not blog about my faith or spiritual views, I felt obligated to make it known that I would take steps to assure that she was protected, via law enforcement, if necessary. It was only at that point that B’s dad started his campaign to destroy our relationship.

    Check the update in a few minutes, thank you for your support and kind words.

  3. Peregrine John permalink

    I like David’s solution, too. Look, B’s dad is a lunatic. This is bizarre and irrational and completely explains B’s well-ingrained betatude. That he is emerging from it at all is a strong testament to his inborn strength. Note how B’s dad has over-the-top shaming as an instant reaction, the sort of thing that most people would react strongly, even violently against. Instead, B has a reaction of shying from it. He’s been trained that way – it’s always been that way. It’s emotional abuse and control at its most deranged, and it’s effective. However… once someone has the scent of freedom, once they have experience at something healthy, they will rebel, and insist on their rights as a human. Why do you suppose Kim Jong Il locked out all external news sources? If his people cottoned on to what was really happening in the world, he’d have a major problem.

    Obviously I’m not saying anything you don’t already know. I’m just saying that it’s clear even from way over here.

    So yeah, I’m afraid this is all your fault. Went and showed real love to someone worthy of it, and gave him the notion that being a responsible person is not only useful for everyone else, but pretty dang nice for him, too. Virtue may be its own reward, but it calls to itself some pretty nice other benefits, too. He’s not likely to choose the dungeon over the penthouse suite.

  4. Peregrine John permalink

    I could be wrong, by the way. He might choose the chains. Stranger things have happened. It seems unlikely, though, if there’s a clear road out.

  5. Thanks, John. I needed to hear that, all of it. I am very frustrated, but B has contacted the attorney and also went to the courthouse to get copies of the documents that the attorney will need to get started. It is far more than I expected him to do. I am not alone in this, because B’s Uncle J is on our side (sort of, thought he is very cautious about what he says) and I asked the smartest person I know to step in and help B. I was brutally honest about why I wanted her help.

    My mom, classy, pretty and ferocious when it comes to protecting her interests and the interests of her kids, my mother is a force to be reckoned with, and B and I are lucky to have her on our side. She has been read in on the drama from the start, but when we came home from the car show, I told her point blank that she would have to treat B like one of her own kids, or I would end up with a son instead of a boyfriend. Shockingly, she understood. (Go Mom!) When things get tough, B knows he can talk to my mom and she is expert at kicking little birdies out of the nest.

    This just in, John, B went to an older man that he respects (another guy who was at the car show) and spilled his guts. Without prompting, on his own… he might still choose the chains, but now that he is going out without asking or telling me until after he has taken action, I doubt very much that he will.

  6. Peregrine John permalink

    He did? That is… really, really good. Startlingly so. Very promising, and suggests he might be in some ways farther down a good path than you suspected. Your support of B’s actions are going to help more than you probably know. Also, Mom sounds awesome, and a good ally for you both.

  7. Yes, John, I just bought a new dress, because B needs a night of distraction. Holy Wow! Glad I have B’s friends on my side, especially the ones who have resources and $ 🙂 Even better, he has already called to talk to the guy. I underestimated him, and Tingles!

  8. Peregrine John permalink

    Most excellent. (LOL @ Tingles)
    By the way, I have one slight quibble with David’s suggestions for dealing with this sort of thing. I suggest that it would be more satisfying and productive to use an uppercut.

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