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What’s missing

July 14, 2013

I know I have been a total slacker posting.  Sorry, but things haven’t been smooth sailing lately… take the good with the bad, I guess.  Here is an update, fast version:

I found myself painting a kitchen in early June.  One month to the day, on the anniversary of my Ex’s arrest, the day after my parole board interview (which did not go well) during which I had to enumerate the reasons why I wanted my Ex denied parole.  In the strangest case of deja vu ever, I was painting the same colors as I did that same day that the investigator called me, in the same room of a house I could never afford.  Luckily, I got through the day without incident. The Ex is going to be held for another year, and my painting of the kitchen is, of course, spectacular.  That whole experience was frightening, upsetting and a damn good reason to revisit the terror that I felt four years ago, but it pales in comparison to the horror and venom B is getting from his dad, Yeah, his FATHER.

Over the past several weeks, B’s mom went through a serious decline in health, culminating in a trip by ambulance, restrained the whole 3 hour trip and hysterical, covered in blood from a fall.  That made me an asshole… and you might wonder why, so here it goes:

When her disease started to ramp up and B’s dad was basically leaving her to her own devices, I prayed (a rare occasion for me) for her safety.  If I had let a child walk down a paved road during wheat harvest while semi-trucks were barreling down the road at 70 mph, I would be justifiably incarcerated.  Not so with the “caregiver” of an Alzheimer’s patient.  B’s dad set himself up as a Martyr. BooooHooooFuckingHoooo because he set himself up as the Saint caring for his wife.  Nevermind he only treated her with basic human decency in the presence of others and in reality, her only value was to make himself look good…there’s your set-up, here’s the results.  Prepare to be FURIOUS.

Anyone who has bothered to follow my story knows that B is a recovering beta, and one of the nicest, kindest men I have ever met.  He’s no panty-wetting bad-ass Alpha, but, much like some great meal, all the ingredients are there, if the chef can recognize the ingredients.  B is a great guy, but he was raised by a manipulative, narcissistic, attention-whore, piece of shit.  (Sorry for the insult to Shit everywhere)

For several weeks, B’s Mom was “allowed” to come over 4, 5,6, times a day to “0ur house”.  Then there was some drama and B put his foot down and the tables turned.  Then, B was regularly summonsed to “help with YOUR Mother” on a daily basis.  Our attempt to build the farm (several generations in B’s family) was undermined at every turn. It was horrible, but just the tip of the iceberg compared to the past few days.

In the past few days, B’s mom, freshly admitted to the hospital, and visits denied to B’s dad because her reaction to him reaches a violent response that ends just short of a straight-jacket, has become more complacent to the point where her quality of life is improved, is giving us some hope.  B’s “dad” on the other hand, has gone into a control-freak tailspin.  His target? B.

  • “Your mother wouldn’t be in the hospital if you were a better son”
  • “This is your fault, I did everything I could”
  • “If you didn’t have a girlfriend, your mother would still be home with me”
  • “I am going to sell the farm and all your things to pay for your mom to be in the hospital”
  • “Choose between being a good son and having some trashy whore girlfriend who kept you from helping your mom or I will sell your possessions and the farm”
  • “Your Girlfriend wanted your mom gone and now wants me dead”

*only slightly exaggerated, most quotes VERBATIM*

Geezus F’ing Christ… A bulldozer in a feedyard wouldn’t heap on the bullshit-guilt fast enough to keep up with this drama.  B is, understandably, in tears much of the time.  He was only in his very early 20’s when his mom was forced into retirement, and she is not quite 60 now.  He turned 30 last Sunday.  It is a struggle for us to keep up our relationship and pair bonding when we are now under assault from “Dad”, who has now made it quite clear that If B Doesn’t Break Up With Me, “MOM will die, and the farm will be sold” Break Up or Be Homeless.

This is why I haven’t posted lately, and I apologize for that, but then again, I am apologize for everything lately… If you pray, pray for B’s mom to have some Peace.   Please.  I know this is the Manosphere, but single moms aren’t always the abusers.  Please know that I want B to be able to take charge of this situation, and I am doing everything I can to support that, but I am FURIOUS at his treatment lately.  I will post more time permitting.



  1. David Sutton permalink

    It is axiomatic that “Bad things happen to good people.” The reverse is also true. If I were
    B, I would give the old man a smack every time he opened his poisonous mouth. I do apologize for such an intemperate remark such as that. This I do know: Karma will bite him in the ass, and HARD…I will pray for you, B, and his mother. Be well.

  2. David, your comment is spot on, thank you for understanding. Interestingly, my own mom made the same comment about karma. I am just so very sad to see what is happening to B, this post was just about venting my frustration at a situation I can’t control. Thankfully, B’s Uncle J (who I mentioned in the posts about tornado clean-up) has stepped in to give both of us some much needed support. In addition, I have talked the whole thing over with my mom, and she is stepping up her efforts to build a relationship with B-hopefully relieving me of my burning desire to mother him through this very difficult time.
    Everything isn’t total crap right now, I promise that there is a much more positive post on the way, including a crazy request from B that involves bright red lipstick…stay tuned and thanks again for your support!

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